Wednesday 15 August 2018

15.8.2018


Ever since I can remember I have suffered with panic attacks/anxiety. My first memory of it being a problem was when my mum had to speak to my Year 2 teacher because I was so upset that I felt I wasn't good enough. I look at the Year 2 children at my school now and realise how sad that is. How sad that someone so small thought so badly about themselves. These thoughts developed as I became older and I began to associate eating in restaurants with being sick. Cutting a long story short, I was sick several times after eating out and I eventually received CBT to help me overcome my panic attacks. I'm still not great at eating out, but I do it regularly and it doesn't cause the panic in me like it used to.

My anxiety levels are through the roof at the moment and even leaving the house is becoming a big issue. I am doing it every day, but I will always have a spark of regret and the bubble gut feeling. I'm not sure what is causing this. I'm living back at Mum and Dad's for the summer, I'm feeling well MS wise and I'm having a lovely summer.  Today I went into the city with my best friend, I felt absolutely fine driving to her house. As soon as we start driving into the city, my stomach starts bubbling and I begin to have a hot flush. I have to give myself a good talking to and imagine the worst thing that can possibly happen. This then allows me to work backwards and eventually calm myself down by saying 'So what?'. So what if the worst thing happens? If I'm unwell I know she would take good care of me, we would get back in the car and I would just go home. I am getting fed up with these panic attacks, I feel like lovely days are being ruined by my own stupid head and thoughts. I'm not sure what I'm going to be able to do to sort these panic attacks out, but it might be time to get myself back to the doctors!

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