13.08.2018

Sometimes I wish I was a tough cookie who didn't take things to heart so much. However, that's not the way I was made. I appear to have been given enough sensitivity for a whole room full of people. It means that if somebody cancels plans I feel it's because they hate me. If they read my message but don't reply it's because I am annoying them. I'm not sure where this has come from, it has definitely always been a part of my life. Overthinking is definitely my worst habit. Perhaps one day I will wake up and the overthinking will have stopped. How likely is that to happen?
Tonight I was supposed to be going to the cinema with 2 friends. 1 of them has cancelled because she has a stomach bug, caught from her little girl. This I understand. This doesn't upset me. Another friend cancelled plans for today too because her sister has just got engaged and my friend wants to see her before she goes on holiday. Again, this I understand. This didn't upset me. In fact part of me was secretly relieved because it means I don't have to drive for 2 hours!
However, the other friend who I was supposed to go to the cinema with has decided that although we've already bought tickets she doesn't want to go. So of course, in my head it's because she doesn't want to just go with me. This then lead to me sitting on the edge of my bed with tears streaming down my face for at least 15 minutes. What a mess!
I am trying my best to not take things so personally. I'm also trying to stop worrying about things that I have no control over. It's hard. It's very hard.